Sunday, October 26, 2008

potentially fatal side effects

Okay. so I received HORRIBLE news at the boxdoc this weekend. Apologies for setting up what might appear to be an overshare, I promise the severity of this announcement has nothing to do with gynecological health.
We were discussing something and she asked me if I drink a lot of caffeine or diet soda. I drink a lot of caffeine IN my diet soda, and since I've left college I don't have coffee with the same frequency because I jitter, which reminds me of anxiety, which makes me worried that I'm having anxiety, which makes me concerned about the fact that I'm no longer being treated for anxiety, which generally brings me right to the precipice of an anxiety attack, which is fun for absolutely no one. In any case, I drink diet coke in the morning as a nice routine wakeup... I like exchanging pleasantries with the middle aged indian man in the 8th street subway stop with his giant diamond pinkie ring; he likes that I almost always have exact change. I have a few more during the day... maybe two more on a bad day. What can I say? I like artificial sweeteners, I like keeping my caffeine high, I love guilt free cola flavor.

But apparently, my body DOES NOT love these things.

So my doctor told me that I need to stop drinking diet coke.

This news has not actually sunk in yet. (Partially because I'm now drinking more diet coke just to be defiant.) Diet coke (and its special occasion niece, diet orange sunkist) are my lifeblood. I am defined by the silver can or the red topped 20 oz bottle. I love the way it feels in my hand. I love the way it tastes, warm or cold. I am fully addicted to diet soda. And now some bitch with an MD is telling me that I should gradually wean myself off over the course of the next month, "just to see" if it'll make a difference?

I'd rather not. I'd rather be irritated/uncomfortable/inconvenienced FO-EVAH than give up the chemical delights of my daily drink. Diet Coke's seen me through an epic spectrum of life alterations, and I just don't think it's fair to abandon it now. (spoken like a true addict.)

I quit smoking (pretty much once and for all, except "socially" about once a month) after I graduated. I got a job, then I got another one, and an apartment and all sorts of real life stress without a chemical crutch. Now things are going moderately well, I am decently happy. And then there's this bombshell.

I am going to miss you, diet coke. I really am.
But we'll have our day again sometime soon.

4 comments:

Sarah said...

A friend told me takes ginseng, and it makes her feel the same as coffee. Maybe you could give it a
shot?

I wouldn't know. Sugar free Rockstars are a vice of mine, as is Adderall. More caffeine and amphetamines? Prolly not the best idea.

caitlinmae said...

it's so sad because I am not even a caffeine junky. I don't get headachey or have cravings- I just have a passionate love affair with delicious calorie free ambrosia. Ginseng is a good idea, thanks! Even the word sounds healthier.
How is rockstar as compared to red bull in terms of taste? And are you a Sparks gal? Energizing vices increase productivity, and this receive a get out of jail free card, no?

riese said...

OOOH, I hate it when doctors say shit like that. It's like all the doctors who said to just stop exercising 'cause my body hurt all the time, which of course was the absolute worst thing to do. I kept being like "can I do anything? elipitical trainer? anyone? anyone?" but they were just tossing it out there, like "eh, just see if sedentary lifestyles work out," and i'm like, um, I can't just "try that out," it will totally throw me off balance, and I don't want to do it unless you are POSITIVE that it will help. But no, they just do that, doctors. Just tell you to do this or that and see what happens.

In any event, is it the aspertine or the caffeine? I hate Diet Coke but drink a lot of normal Coke and a lot of coffee. I'm also on Adderall XR, so there you go. WHEEE!!!

Sarah said...

Sparks are the most amazing "party-'til-three-in-the-morning" beverage ever! I kinda have a hard winding down afterwards, though. Hangover plus insomnia equals suckage.

Hmn. I think RockStars are a bit more carbonated than Red Bulls...