best of the internetz

Today's such slow going at work that I considered starting a tumblr for all the extraneous reading I've been doing.
My task today is this:
Find music to send to our composer.
Which means I'm using music licensing sites.
At the risk of some sort of infringement, I'm not going to identify the sites, but when I've used them in the past, it's always been amusing how some people describe their songs to potential buyers. This new site I'm on today has a FABULOUSLY odd selection.

here is what I would consider a reasonable blurb:
Atmospheric piece with synth and strings pads and acoustic guitar arpeggios. Slowly builds up in emotion and drama.

here are the descriptions I've been reading as I search for "anthem" music:
note: these are copied EXACTLY from the site

Tainted water drips in a romantically lit sewer tunnel and the freelance art director sells it as sensual irony, client claps approvingly. Robotic rodent sex slaves rejoice when this pushy and uncomfortable track underscores their path to freedom.

Confident and bright, with a self-assured attitude built for taking on the day (in a corporate-training-video sort of way). Features a bass player just happy for a gig and guitarist who idolizes The Artist Formerly Known As.

Imagine yourself lost in the jungle... on the moon, with a monkey.

In the heart of Africa lives Mutambo. Hes cool and likes to dance a lot.

She's still there in the streets...all crazed and proud tea somebody?.well, what can you do about it it's her way to live... and she loves it like that I bet ya.